Sonic the Tortilla Boy
by el knackered one
Summary: In a world where the mob exists and tortillas are sold at stands, one person sells tortillas. Full summary inside.
1. Tortilla time!

Elongated summary:

The tortilla- a soft shell that covers tacos and burritos.  
Pavilion- a small tent housing tables often used for selling good.  
Tortilla boy- someone who sells tortillas.  
Sonic the hedgehog- A video game character who can reach super sonic speeds.  
Sonic the tortilla boy- A hedgehog who sells tortillas and can run really fast.

This is the story of Sonic the tortilla boy. The bad ass pavilion owner with mob connections and a heart of gold. He uses his selling skills to get out of problems with Big Shadow, the local mob boss who has it in for him. Knuckles, Big S's right hand man, is often hired to assassinate Sonic but never follows through due to Big Shadow's wishes. But now, Sonic owe Big Shadow money for Tortilla loans. He is two weeks late and Big Shadow is not going to take it anymore. Everyone and their grandma is after Sonic and he is going to have one heck of a time dodging his enemies. With that, the story begins.

"Get your tortillas here!" Shouted Sonic as many businessman passed him by. "Come on, I'm putting my kid through college here." he lied.

"Screw you!" Shouted a businessman.

"Shut up." shouted Sonic back.

"Wow what a bad ass." said Peter Griffin walking by.

"Shut up fat ass!" said Tails coming to Sonic's defense.

"Thanks Tails." thanked Sonic

"Just coming to your defense. Like the narrator said."

"If you really want to help me, you would let me lie low at your place for awhile."

"No, when they whacked you, they would whack me to."

"Whatever. Want a tortilla?"

"No, I just came to get the twenty dollars you owe me."

"Well the thing about that is-duck!" shouted Sonic as he pushed Tails to the ground as a brick flew over his head. "There, were even."

"Fine, hey is there a note on that brick?"

"Yea," said Sonic as he bricked up the brick, "D flat."

"Oh. I preferred a C but not my choice. I think that was from the mob. They do want you dead don't you know?"

"No, I was under a rock for the past week. Of course I do you dolt." Said Sonic as his cell phone rang. "Yea." he said as the person responded. "Oh my god."

"What is it?" asked Tails

"Lets roll, I'll explain on the way." he said as his Jaguar rolled up. As he pulled out a bullet flew right into his stand where he was standing just moments before.

Next chapter when I think of a reason for that phone call. And yes, I was inspired by something, lets see if you can guess what.


	2. The Plan!

1Howdy there, before I begin I just have to say that Macropodathist1 guessed right about my inspiration for this story and you can read his review for the answer. On with the show!

"Ok, so what's up?" asked Tails

"Amy's been stabbed." said Sonic as he drove his Jag. (He was speeding of course)

"So?"

"Well she swallowed my wallet one time when she was drunk and the knife had better no punctured my wallet."

"Oh, but why would a puncture from the knife matter?"

"Well who wants money with holes in it?"

"Good point, but who is watching the stand?" asked Tails as the car screeched to a stop.

"My god, I forgot about that."

"So what are we going to do?"

"Ok, here's the plan: We take my car, go to the stand. Close the stand, go to the store, get a case of Budweiser. Go to the hospital, pump Amy's stomach, have a nice beer and wait for all this to blow over."

"No that wont work. You wont make any money while the stand is closed and the mob is already on your ass."

"Yea your right. Ok, how about this. We take my car, go to the stand and get Carl to watch it. Than-" said Sonic as he was cut off.

"Who the hell is Carl?" asked Tails

"He runs the Taco stand across the street from my stand."

"But don't you run a taco stand?"

"No, I sell tortillas, not Tacos. In retrospect thats not such a good idea but I stand by my principles."

"Which are?"

"Uh, live fast, marry early and die young."

"Sounds about right."

"Now, onto the plan. Take my car and go to the stand. Get Carl to watch the stand. Go to the store, grab a case of Budweiser. Head to the hospital, pump Amy's stomach. Have a nice beer and wait for all this to blow over."

"All what to blow over?"

"You know, the pumping."

"I see. To the stand!" Said Tails as they hurried back to start the plan. They did and the plan went off without a hitch. We now join our heroes at the hospital.

"I can't believe this!" shouted Sonic

"What?" asked Tails

"My wallet has a hole in it!" shouted Sonic as he held up his wallet missing one knife sized chunk.

"How's Amy?"

"I don't know. Does it really matter, she freaking broke my wallet!"

"No actually the stabber did."

"Well than its payback time!" said Sonic punching his hand.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Well normally I would go to the mob but they want to kill me. So I have no freaking clue."

"How about you stop saying well whenever you talk."

"Fine. Now to go sell some tortillas!" (Dramatic music!)

Not spectacular chapter I know, but hey, yea.


	3. Dialogue and plot ahoy!

"What the hell? Where is the freaking taco?" asked an idiot tortilla buyer.

"I don't sell tacos, I sell tortillas." stated Sonic

"Well I'm not paying for this so ha." said the guy throwing it in Sonic's face and running away.

"Yea you better run you idiot. Now, Tails, how do I get this guy back?"

"Well you don't know who he is and he has a knife, so I'd say your better off staying here." advised Tails

"Good point. But now I have to dodge the mob. How do I go about doing that?"

"How the fuck would I know? I'm fucking 8-12 years old.

"You mean you don't even know your age?"

"Its hard to keep track of. Damn Sega."

"Yea."

"But you should hide out man."

"I thought you just said you didn't know what to do."

"Well I lied."

"Besides, hiding is for pansies. I need to take out Big Shads. Than I shall need not worry."

"What? Dude you're a tortillas salesman, not a knight in tortilla armor."

"I did do that once though."

"Oh yea, that was hilarious. Than I pissed on you and the tortillas absorbed it somehow."

"Dude, I ate those tortillas when I was done. You bastard!"

"Still funny. Than we threw you in a ditch the next day."

"Oh yea, its still broken."

"What is?"

"You know."

"Man that sucks."

"Yea. Hey wait, what the hell is that!" screamed Sonic pointing down the street at a portal."

"You mean the portal with the Time Splitters in it?"

"No, the green one. Time Splitters always come here, they are my main source of sales." He said as figures emerged from the green portal. They looked like idiots but everyone looks like an idiot so that doesn't really help. But really though, one was a fox and the other one was an echidna.

"Dude."

"Cool, but a 50 foot robot would have been better."

"Yea."

"So you want to ski-dawdle?"

"Yea, lets bounce dog."

"Shut up." said Sonic getting in his car and driving off.

"Fuck!" yelled the fox as he saw Sonic take off. "Now what?"

"We could follow him." Said the echidna

"Fine." he said as they started running.

In the car:

"Who the hell were they?" asked Tails

"I don't know, the mob must be getting help from other dimensions, and such." said Sonic

"Yes, and such. Wait, how can they do that, Shadow is their leader and he is an idiot."

"True, true. But it could have been a number of other people considering all the useless characters in my games. Shadow being one of them."

"No that cant be it, everyone in your games is an idiot except me and Robotnik. And Robotnik died of three consecutive paper cuts and a shotgun to the head."

"Yar."

"Yar what?"

"Yar shut up. Thats what."

Hey guys. If you think this should be M say so please. Im taking a page out of my friends book and staying on the safe side. So tell me if I should.


	4. The Drivethrough

"Ok, so what is the plan?" asked Sonic

"Well we don't have time for another Shaun of the Dead rip-off so maybe you should buy a gun." advised Tails

"Yea, lets face it, if Shadow has an upcoming game with guns in it, what the hell would bouncing on him do?" asked Sonic

"Get you shot, two seconds after jumping."

"Yea sounds about right."

"Turn right here, I know a good black market. They have a red dot sale. Anything with a red dot on it is half price."

"They watch Seinfeld huh?"

"Yea, can't blame them. Anyway, they have guns of all type, sold illegally of course."

"Why?"

"Well A. Illegal things are appealing and B. There isn't enough time in this story for you to get a license."

"I see. Hey look at this, the fourth wall died." said Sonic reading the obituaries in the paper.

"He did have a lot of shots taken at him, about time he died."

"Yea, is this the place?" asked Sonic as he pulled into the Black Market.

"Tis, use the drive through, no time to spare." said Tails as Sonic pulled to the first window.

"Welcome to the Black Market, can I take your order?" asked a pimply teenager.

"Uh, yea. I'll take a 12-gauge shotgun. Tails you want anything?" asked Sonic

"I'll have an Uzi." Said Tails

"Ok thats one 12-gauge shotgun and one Uzi. Do you want extra ammo, only four more dollars?" asked the teenager.

"Four dollars! This isn't Disney Land, you can charge fair prices!" yelled Sonic

"I don't set the prices, I take orders." said the teenager.

"Fine, fine. I hope you choke on a hotdog or something." said Sonic as he paid.

"Please pull up to the next window sir." said the teenager.

"Yea I know the drill." said Sonic driving up.

"Here you go." said the drone at the next window, giving Sonic the bag.

"End yourself." said Sonic driving away.

"Let me see my gun." squealed Tails, reaching for the bag. "Where is the extra ammo?" asked Tails as he tried to load his gun.

"You mean its not in there?" Asked Sonic looking in the bag himself. "That jack-ass, he didn't put the ammo in there. And worse, I paid four bucks for it. "

"Well I'm not going back there, too many bad memories." said Tails

"Like what?"

"Like the time when you ordered extra ammo and they didn't give it to you."

"Oh yea, I still hate them for that. Wait didn't that happen just a couple minutes ago?"

"No."

"Oh yea. But how will we kill Big Shads with guns and no ammo?"

"I don't know. Look out!" shouted Tails as Sonic ran into someone.

"Who did we hit?" asked Sonic as Tails got out to take a look.

"Looks like those guys from the portal. Both dead."

"Oh thank God. I thought it was someone who could sue me. Lets dump the bodies."

"Nah, I have a better idea." said Tails as he whispered to Sonic in a way that the audience couldn't here him.

Yea, next chapter it becomes M. Not this chapter because I want one last chance to attract new readers. Thats the problem with comedy stories, noone reads them.


	5. Guns Grow In Trees

1"Thats your better idea?" said Sonic "Making them into puppets?"

"Yea." said Tails

"Dude, do you know how bloody that would be? We would be shoving our hands up their ass."

"I didn't think of that. Of course we shouldn't do that." said Tails fast while shifting his eyes left and right.

"Let's just go dump them in the river." said Sonic as he jumped into his car and Tails threw the bodies in the trunk. Just as Sonic and Tails started driving, a car turned the corner and started shooting at them.

"WHO THE HELL IS THAT?" screamed Tails as a bullet nicked his ear.

"Who do you think?"

"The mob?"

"Damn straight. Now hang on." said Sonic as he went off-road and into the woods. "Is he still on my tail?

"You know it."

"No I don't, if I did, I wouldn't have asked."

"Shut up." said Tails. As soon as he finished they were rear ended pretty bad.

"Ok Tails, on the count of three we are going to jump out of the car."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Good point."

"One, two, three!" screamed Sonic as he and Tails ditched the car. The driver of the car didn't see them fore they jumped behind trees so he just kept rear-ending. Two second after the jump, both cars flew into the lake and were dragged under. The other driver, dead.

"Were did that stream come from?"

"Plot holes my friend, plot holes."

"Yes, plot holes."

"Best part is, I dumped the bodies in the river and killed Knuckles."

"How do you know it was Knuckles in the car?"

"The car had "Knuckles" written in big bold letters on the side."

"Oh. I'm not really that smart in this story am I?"

"Nope. Now what, we have no car, no hover craft and no burritos."

"This is just horrible isn't it?"

"Probably. Lets go get more guns, I left them in the car."

"Damn, lets go to-hey wait, here are some guns. In this tree."

"Well isn't that convenient. Someone up there must really hate Shadow." (Hint, hint)

"You bet."

"Oh and here is the car from Back to the Future."

"You mean the one that can fly?"

"Yea, this is out lucky day."

"Lets go take care of business."

Ok end of chapter. I actually will leave it T. I know its short but I felt like writing so meh. Anyways, since Blue skadooed, we can to.


	6. OMG TEH 6TH CHAPTA 11!

"Wow this car sucks!" Shouted Sonic as he drove the car from Back to the Future.

"What do you mean, we are in a flying car!" argued Tails

"Well it can't go back in time."

"True, true. But have you even tried to?"

"No. No reason to. Wait there is."

"What are you thinking of?"

"We go back in time and kill Shadow while he is un-expecting."

"When should we go?"

"I'd say now is a good time."

"No I mean when are we going?"

"I said now."

"No, when are we going?"

"Can you hear me, I said we are going now."

"Let me say this one more time, when are we going?"

"1954."

"How did you know what I meant all of a sudden."

"I knew what you meant the whole time, just have to give the fans what they want."

"Than why are we going to kill Shadow?"

"I don't know. Oh, because his new game involves him with a gun. Have to give him a taste of his own medicine."

"But his game didn't come out yet, he doesn't have his own medicine."

"Shut up. Or we will go back in time to kill you."

"But I'm right here."

"Your lucky you're my sidekick."

"Darn straight I am. Now to 1964." said Tails setting the control panel.

"I said 1954 you idiot."

"Honest mistake." said Tails resetting the panel. "Now lets go back, to the past!" he said as he drove to 88 miles per hour.

"Back to the future you idiot." said Sonic slapping Tails on the back of the head.

"Hey, did you notice that miles per hour sounds a lot like Miles Prower?" said Tails as they pulled into the past.

"Yes everyone knows that. Idiot."

"Ok, where do you think Shadow is?"

"Space. Or a space colony."

"Wow, we have colonies in space? Cool."

"Yea. Space colony Ark if my reading skills are up to par." said Sonic reading a strategy guide on Sonic Adventure 2.

"Dude, thats cheating."

"No, its getting help. Cheating involves putting in a code."

"No, cheating involves having someone either do it for you, i.e. a code, or having someone show you how to do it, i.e. a guide."

"What does i.e. mean?"

"Got me."

Hey party people. The reason this is late is because my main computer was down. So I couldn't type. Than when it was back up, I pulled an all-nighter by playing Jak 2 from beginning to end non-stop through the night. It was a speed run. I clocked in at 9 hours and 53 minutes. 10 pm to 7:53 am. Yea, no life.


	7. In the past, with codes

"3, 2, 1, now!" shouted Sonic as he timed (correctly) how long it would take to get up to 88 mph. When he said now, they were in the past time of 1964. Wait, it was 1954 right? Yes, yes it was. Anyway they were in 1954. Let's read on, shall we?

"Ok, we are in 1964" started Tails

"For the last time, it's 1954 you idiot. Didn't you read the opening paragraph?" asked Sonic

"That was a paragraph? It's only 5 short sentences and could be shortened to 3. Thats hardly a paragraph."

"True, true. But how do we get into space to kill Shadow?"

"I know, I will fly you up there."

"How do you propose to do that, Mr. I-can-think-of-a-plan?"

"Well we can breath in space, I think the last couple levels in our games prove that."

"Yea."

"And I can put in a cheat for unlimited flying with my tails."

"Yea."

"And plot device will eliminate the gravitational pull so we can break through the atmosphere."

"Yea."

"So I can fly you up."

"I see, but wouldn't we need a controller to put in the cheat?"

"Got it right here." said Tails showing his controller. (It was in his pocket. And he has pockets in his fur."

"What's the code anyway. "

"Not telling."

"Dude, you suck."

"I know, its great. Ok it's in, grab on." said Tails as he started to hover.

"Ok, I got you. To the moon!" shouted Sonic

"Ok!" shouted Tails as he reached space after an hour.

"Hey, where is it?" asked Sonic looking around

"I don't know."

"I got it, fly around Earth and we will eventually find it."

"Dude, your kidding right? That will take so damn long, it's not even funny. Actually it is funny that, that stupid thought even crossed your mind. If it's not here, than it hasn't been built yet. I know these things, I'm a fox. Don't know how that effects things but it does. And- wait a tic, there it is." rambled Tails before finally looking behind him.

"Well I'll be danged, it was right there the whole time." said Sonic as Tails jetted for the space colony.

Ok that was a chapter in my story. Obviously. But yea, next chapter, they confront Shadow and get on the space colony. And don't get on my back about any wrong info. Or else, and such.


	8. Enter Shadow

1"Wow, this place sure is dull." said Sonic as they were walking around the colony.

"What do you expect, we are in space. Everything is either gray, or glowing with computer such. Why do you think all those space ships failed? People got bored and blew themselves up." said Tails

"Well I guess that makes sense. Oh, turn right here." said Sonic as he veered to the right. (Obviously)

"How would you know?"

"I have a sixth sense about things..."

"Like seeing dead people?" interrupted Tails.

"No, like finding Shadow and other things crucial to the plot." explained Sonic

"I see."

"And you damn well better see. Or else."

"Or else what?"

"Bad things, very bad things." (Don't know if I already used that joke.)

"Like?"

"Cancer. Yea, I went there."

"You bastard."

"Shut up, this is Shadow's room." said Sonic as he stopped near a door.

"How do you know?"

"Just a hunch, idiot." explained Sonic motioning to a sign on the door that read "Shadow's room."

"End yourself."

"Whatever. Ok, the plan is to kick down the door, guns 'a blazing and shoot everything that lives."

"Except each other."

"Right. Ok, 1, 2, 3!" he shouted as he kicked down the door, with bullets blasting in every direction. After five minutes of straight shooting, they realized that noone was in the room.

"Where the hell is he?" asked Tails looking pissed.

"Well what time is it?"

"12:00 PM."

"No, in the space time zone."

"Oh, 12:01 PM."

"Right," said Sonic "must be at lunch."

"To the cafeteria!" shouted Tails as they sped off.

"Ok, if he's not in here, I'm going home." said Sonic opening the door, to see everyone sitting at the "Cool" table. Well, everyone except Shadow.

"Ha, Shadow's not cool. Take that inflated ego." said Tails as Shadow started to cry. "Come on, let's put this bitch on ice." he said loading his gun.

"Yar, I got this one. He is too much of a blatant copy of me to be killed by you." said Sonic pulling out a rocket launcher. (He kept it where ever he keeps his rings.)

"Um, who the hell are you guys?" asked Shadow after staring at them for 5 minutes.

"Uh, hey, look over there!" shouted Sonic while pointing behind Shadow. Once his back was turned, Sonic fired the rocket into the back of Shadow's head. And, well, I think you know what happened to our little black hedgehog. And if you don't know, go kill yourself.

"Oh my god!" shouted Gerald Robotnik at the "Cool" table.

"Uh...die." said Tails as he unloaded his AK-47 at everyone else. "Let's bounce!"

"What?"

"You know, bounce."

"You lost me."

"Let's leave."

"Oh, I see."

"Let's just find the car."

"No need, I have a code!" shouted Sonic as he put in the code into Tails' controller. "Get in." he said as the car appeared.

"Fine." agreed Tails putting in the settings. "To the future!" he said as they sped up and left. They appeared in front of the tortilla stand, (OMG plot hole.) to see it in chaos!

Chaos? Cliff-hanger alert! Anyway, if you haven't seen the movie "The Island" than I pity you. Go see it, now! Wait, review first, than go. BTW, I'm tired as hell now, so don't tell me about any spelling or grammar errors.


	9. WTF? I have a plot?

"What the hell happened!" shouted Sonic as he saw the tortilla stand (among other things) burning to the ground.

"I don't know. It had to be linked to Shadow's death. I got it, all the fan-boys are lashing out because they don't have a furry animal to worship." stated Tails

"What about the Easter bunny?" asked Sonic

"He's fake."

"Lies!"

"Whatever, but hey, now your not in debt to the mob."

"Hey your right. But shouldn't we save the world from the fan-boys? After all, they did burn down my tortilla stand. And it's either that or watch MTV."

"Oh god, not MTV! Let's kick some goth ass!" said Tails throwing a Molotov Cocktail into a crowd of rioting fan-boys. The explosion sent bodies everywhere and blew a hole in the street.

"Nice, but we have to stop these guys at the source."

"The president isn't a fan-boy is he?"

"No, I meant Earth. We shall kill planet Earth."

"Isn't that scheme a little half baked?"

"Maybe but if we can eliminate Earth, we can kill all the fan-boys."

"No that plan won't work. I say we get in a bunker and blow up a nuke eliminating everyone on the planet. Except a few choice people to ah, re-populate the planet. Heh heh."

"Tails buddy, I honestly don't think you have it in you to re-populate a planet."

"Your right. But what are we going to do?"

"Well there are obviously to many of them to fight head on. Damn Shadow, having such a big fan base. If we are going to take them out, we are going to need an army. How many survivors do you think are left?"

"Survivors? No one is dead because of this. Besides Shadow of course."

"Non-fan-boys I mean."

"Oh, well I'd reckon a couple thousand."

"Right, well we have to rally them up enough to kill the fan-boys an take this place back. So you know what time it is?"

"No, and why should I?"

"Don't know, but it's time to make posters. To A.C. More!" screamed Sonic running off.

"Wait you idiot, we have a car!"

"Oh yea. What was I thinking?" said Sonic as he ran back.

"Something stupid obviously. But what would posters do?" asked Tails as he climbed into the car.

"They would spread the word of the anti-fan-boy army. And who doesn't love looking at bright colors on a poster?" asked Sonic as he got in and the car sped off.

"Not me, no sir."

"Damn straight. Ah, here it is. Let's just get in, grab a poster, and get out." said Sonic as they pulled into the parking lot of A.C. More. (Which was on fire by the way.)

(3 seconds later)

"Wow that was fast." said Tails as they pulled out of the parking lot with a poster and a pack of markers.

"Well duh, I am the world's fastest hedgehog after all. Now, what to write on the poster?" wondered Sonic as he took out the art supplies.

"How about 'Join this army against fan-boys and get a free hat. Meet us at the tortilla stand for info.'?"

"Yea, that'll work. Where should we put it?"

"Uh, I got it! I know a cheat to get this thing to be plastered all over the sky. Give me the controller." said Tails as he got the controller from Sonic. "A, B, B, A, Start. There we go. Now we just wait at the tortilla stand."

"But isn' it on fire?"

"Doesn't mean we can't stand in front of it."

"Right."

Ok, I know this wasn't the funniest chapter, but it really moved the plot along. In a way. And such.


	10. Whats this? Another chapter? Jolly good

"Wow, I really expected a better turn out." said Tails looking in front of the stand.

"What do you mean, we have 3 people?" asked Sonic

"Yea, but one is dead, one is on fire, and the other is George Bush."

"No, the last one is a hobo."

"Oh, I always get those confused. But what are we going to do with a hobo?"

"Well I have a plan. Oi, hobo!" called Sonic

"Ai?" asked the hobo.

"You have any syringes?"

"Loads. But they are all out of happy juice."

"Start cracking them up into pieces of glass." commanded Sonic as the hobo smashed.

"What will that do?" asked Tails

"You'll see, oh you'll see."

"Tell me!"

"You just leave that to me."

"Your not making any sense."

"And your stealing a Family Guy joke."

"Damn."

"Yea."

"Finished, now give me my ham!" called the hobo.

"Screw you, it's my ham now." said Sonic

"When did you get his ham?" asked Tails

"Before the chapter started."

"Oh."

"What do you want me to do with all the glass?" asked the hobo. (Who shall now be called Action Jackson. AJ for short.)

"Take this gun and commandeer a blimp. When I give you the signal, drop all the glass so it blankets the streets."

"What now?"

"Steal a blimp and dump the glass."

"Oh. Right, but I better get my ham!"

"You'll get your ham. Now get going."

"Fine." said AJ as he skipped away.

"What do we do?" asked Tails

"Well first, we need a Lincoln Park CD. Too HOT TOPIC!" screamed Sonic

"Better bring the guns." said Tails.

One Uneventful trip later:

"I really expected to kill something." said Tails as they drove back.

"Me too. Guess we were lucky." said Sonic

"Yea, but what do we do with the CD?"

"Oh thats easy. We go to the radio station and play the music. That will make the fan-boys consider suicide. And with the glass dropping, it will be easy for them. Thus ending our problem."

"Genius. But wouldn't the radio station be filled with fan-boys?"

"For plot device it will. You always have to have a big fight at the end of a story."

"True."

Sorry for not updating in a while. Want a reason? Too bad.


	11. Violence ahoy!

"I expected a lot of fan-boys, but I mean, come on. There are a million of them." said Sonic looking at all the fan-boys surrounding the station.

"The author must hate you." said Tails

"Yea. Oh well, let's go." said Sonic cocking his shot gun, which he had for some reason.

"Wait, we need a plan. We would get killed by the mobs if we just ran in."

"Fine, want to do it Shaun of the Dead style?" asked Sonic

"Could we?"

"Fine. You want the cricket bat, or the shovel?"

"The shovel." said Tails taking his gardening tool, only this time, no gardening was to be done.

"Ok, let's just bash them on the head, and get on with it." said Sonic as he ran into the hoard of fan-boys.

"Let's do it!" cheered Tails as he joined Sonic.

They started bashing heads and breaking skulls as soon as they met the mob. Left and right, people were dying, which is something very different than what you would expect from Sonic. But anyway, people were dying, but the mob started to overwhelm our heroes.

"God damn it! How many fans does this guys have?" shouted Sonic as he killed rabid fan-boys.

"I can't believe your surprised!" said Tails as brains splattered all over him. (A shovel can do that now-a-days)

"Ah fuck this, I'm using a shot gun!" said Sonic as he took out this 12-gauge.

"Yea this isn't working, but I'll stick to my six shooters." said Tails as he wielded the dual pistols.

They demolished the fan-boys in their way until they reached the door. Many were still alive and they weren't giving up.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" shouted Tails "THAT BASTARD BIT ME!"

"Why the fuck did he bite you? He's not even a zombie!"

"I have no idea!"

"Come on, the door is right there!"

"I can't walk, he bit my leg!"

"Your such a fucking idiot, you can fly dumb ass!" said Sonic as he blew the head of another one.

"Well than why didn't I fly us over the crowd?"

"Because we don't think things through! Now just fly through the door, I'll hold them off."

Tails didn't hesitate at all to leave his friend behind and save himself, just like a true American. He even barricaded the door shut, so if Sonic wanted to get in, he would have to do the secret knock, or say the password. (The password is monkey) But Sonic had forgotten the secret knock, so they are in for some real hilarious times, next chapter.

So, another chapter bites the dust. Might rewrite and replace it, but for now it's good.


	12. The end? No

"Where the hell is he?" Tails asked himself looking around. His leg was too hurt to move anywhere and he was to tired from the blood loss to use his tails. Suddenly he heard a huge explosion coming from outside, seconds later another hit the door. "What the fuck!" he asked as the smoke cleared.

"It's a grenade dumbass." said Sonic as he strolled in.

"Where'd you get that?" asked Tails about the grenade launcher

"Knicked it off a dead fan-boy. Come on, let's get to the control room." he said

"Didn't you read the opening paragraph? I can't walk or fly. Hell, I can barely move."

"Fine, I'll carry you if you want to be a little bitch like that."

"Bitch! I'd like to see you take getting bitten by a rapid fan-boy in stride."

"Oh, I'm playing the world's smallest violin Tails." said Sonic motioning playing a violin with his fingers.

"Oh, now was that really necessary?" asked Tails

"What? The violin?"

"No, the author explaining the little gesture. It was such a waste of words."

"True, now we have to get going. Just do your best to shoot people from my back ok?" asked Sonic as he put Tails on his back.

"Whatever."

"Those damn emo fan-boys are getting to you." he said as they started up the stairs. After about 5 minutes or so of walking through the dank halls of a radio station, our heroes stopped for a break.

"God damn Tails, since when are you so heavy?"

"Heavy? I weigh 15 pounds."

"And I weigh about 5. And another thing, why aren't you dead yet? My quills should've punctured your heart."

"Wait, you were planning my death?" asked Tails eyeing his gun.

"Um, no."

"Yes, you were you bastard. DIE BITCH!" shouted Tails as he grabbed his gun and shot Sonic in the head. "Oh fuck." whispered Tails dropping his gun. "How am I going to get out of here?" As he pondered he heard one thing, the fan-boys coming through the door that Sonic blew a hole through. "Fuck-a-doodle-do!" he shouted as the fan-boys started running up the stairs. The next scene has been spoken about many times before, so much that the details have changed but here is the correct version.

"BOOM HEAD SHOT!" Tails shouted as he (Obviously) got a head shot on a fan-boy, but they started coming in huge swarms and he had to save the last 3 grenades in Sonic's grenade launcher for the right time. And believe me, he will need those grenades. Why? Because of the hard where store near by.

"What the hell is that?" he asked himself as he heard a buzzing noise. "Shit, it's a fucking chain-saw." Just than 5 chain-saw wielding, covered in metal sheets fan-boys ran up the stairs. Tails tried the shoot them will bullets but they just bounced off the metal sheets. "Grenade time." Tails said to himself but it was too late. The chainsaw fan-boys were too close, if he used a grenade, he would die to. One of them raised the saw over their head.

"Fission mailed..." Tails whispered and it was all over from there.

"Woah!" shouted Tails jerking away from dream land. "Must've fallen asleep sitting here. Now where the hell is Sonic?"

Just think of that whole thing as an alternate ending, ok?

Now, I would just like to let you all know that this story is dedicated to Kelsey. She has been a great friend to me over the past 2 years that I have known her for, and know these coming years will be just as fun. It will be harder to stay in touch, but we will still talk. She is also one of my best friends. She was even around when I wrote my first story. But that got deleted, than the next 5 got deleted but she cheered me up when I looked at the numbers.

But yea, the next one or two chapters are the last ones, enjoy this while you can.


	13. Stranger!

All Tails could do was sit there, hoping Sonic would be there soon. If he came with a grenade launcher, well, than Tails is a fucking prophet. So you know what happens? The door get's blown up.

"Howdy." said Sonic as he walked in.

"Oh thank god." said Tails

"What?"

"Well I had a dream where you blew up the door and I ended up killing you. When you blew up the door I thought I could predict the future, but you walked in this time. Not strolled in." explained Tails

"Right, well let's get going." Said Sonic as he walked toward the stairs.

"Yea." Said Tails getting up. (That blood loss thing was in the dream. His leg was still bleeding though, so he patched it up with some fur and limped on it.)

There was a sign that said "Control Room, if you want to play music throughout the city, hoping people will kill themselves, go here, it's on the 50th floor. (Big place eh?)"

"Wow, that's convenient." Said Tails

"You know it." Said Sonic as he set off towards the stairs.

5 floors later

"Well." asked Sonic while they walked up more stairs.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to ask where I got my grenade launcher?"

"Knicked it off a dead fan-boy?"

"No, I bought it from Home Depot."

"They sell those now?"

"They have been for the past 5 years."

"Did they even have grenade launchers 5 years ago?"

"Got me."

5 floors later (10th floor)

"What the hell is that?" asked Sonic as they neared the landing.

"Looks like a blue torch to me." Said Tails. In fact, it was a blue torch with a strange man standing next to it.

"Who the hell are you?" Asked Sonic aiming a grenade right to his face.

"I'm a merchant, strangers."

"A merchant eh, well what are you selling?" asked Tails

"Oh, I got something that'll interest ya!" he said opening his cloak.

"Look away!" shouted Sonic turning his head.

"Sonic, he's wearing pants." Said Tails who was looking at all the guns inside the cloak. "Woah, what's that one?" asked Tails pointing to a hand gun.

"That's a Red-9, choice of an avid gun collector. It's a _nice_ gun stranger."

"How much?"

"20,000 pesetas."

"WHAT? How the hell do you expect to sell anything at that price here? We are in a fucking radio station, only hippies work here."

"Wait, what's that gun you already have stranger?"

"Oh, it's a .45 magnum." said Tails

"Ah, I'll buy it at a high price."

"How much?"

"32,000 pesetas."

"Sold! Now, give me the Red-9."

"Heh heh heh, thank you." He said taking Tails' gun and giving him the one he wanted. "Now," he said as he turned to Sonic "What'll you be getting?"

"Well what's that?" he said pointing to an odd looking gun.

"That'd be a Striker. A shotgun equipped with the ability of a wide shot."

"A shotgun? Not my taste."

"Wait, what do you mean? You used one earlier in the story." said Tails eyeing his gun.

"I just got bored with it. Also, try not to look into the barrel of a gun Tails. That's just stupid. Now this, this looks awesome." said Sonic pointing to another magnum.

"Stranger, this gun is a .50 magnum, destroys everything and anything in it's path. But what would you need that for stranger, goin huntin an elephant?"

"How much."

"Nothing, it's free stranger. But this gun's potential isn't realized yet. I can custom tune it if you want."

"How much for the tuning?"

"700,000 pesetas."

"Hold on a second." He said turning his back to the merchant and talking to Tails. "How much money do you have?"

"Well, I had 12,000 for change but that's all. Why would this guy use pesetas, not even Spain uses them anymore."

"Well all I have is whatever I can get for the grenade launcher. Might as well sell it." Sonic turned back to face the merchant.

"Yes stranger?"

"How much can I get for the grenade launcher?"

"Hmm, I'll give you 50,000 pesetas."

"Sold. Well, no use buying the magnum if I can't tune it. Now what can I get for 62,000 pesetas?"

"Well stranger, you could buy the TMP. It's a machine gun that fires custom .9mm rounds. Only 10,000 pesetas stranger."

"Sold. Should've kept my grenade launcher though."

"Good choice stranger."

"Well adios merchant, we'll be on our way." said Sonic and Tails as they went up more stairs.

"Cunts." muttered the merchant as they departed.

Note that the slang was intentional, it's just the way he talks. But dang, even if it was just all dialogue, this was the longest chapter I have ever written.


End file.
